It's been a while. I've mostly been posting stuff I wrote earlier. Finals are done and I (have to be) satisfied with my grades because there is not much I can do now! Oh, I won't be too hard on myself, my grades are just fine. The B in economics? There is a reason I am not a business major! I will stick to my social sciences. Now that the stress of school is off, I can devote some quality to time to my dog, catching up on books I've wanted to read, and writing, that is, between caring for my parents, both of whom are having surgery this month, and my job at a daycare. These past couple of days have been calm, though.
I am back running. I will probably be saying this off and on for the rest of my life, but I'm not giving it up. I was given the go to run about two weeks ago, but decided to wait until I got home to start. The last thing I needed would be to re-injure myself in the middle of finals, especially since I left my bike at home and would have to walk (more like hobble) everywhere around campus. I arrived home Thursday night so running would have to wait until Friday. I felt warm enough after taking the dog for a nice long walk to run, so I did. 5 minutes on, 1 minute off times 4. Workout of champions right there... But it felt amazing to be back running again. I didn't time myself. I am trying my utmost to stop obsessing over time and pace. It's difficult, but I am getting there. I make myself start between the little markers that measure each quarter of a mile along the path so I am not sure my distance. (and I sincerely hope I left my gps watch back at school! heck, I don't even know where the old thing is) But, I have run that path hundreds of times and I pretty much always know where I am along it and how far I am from one place to another. My mind races with mental calculations as I check my watch to see when my 5 minutes of running is up. I figured I was going sub-8:00 pace. Dang. I haven't run in months. I should have slowed down, but I was just running how I felt.
That's biggest difference right there: running how I feel, as long as I want and as hard as I want. There is no season to prepare for, no times I am supposed to meet, and no one to compete with except my own stubborn self. What a difference. I don't know if I like it. I certainly feel more free, like someone took the weight off my shoulders and the tracking device off my wrist and set me free to do as I please. I am praying that I will be able to handle this freedom. I am nervous without the constant supervision of my trainers and even teammates that I could very easily slip back into old habits or begin new ones. The desire to run collegiately is the only thing that has kept the weight on. Without that...well, I'm not sure. And, though being home is a relief from the demands of school, the demands of being home aren't much less consuming. Both my parents will need me to keep the house running, the dog fed, and food prepared. I will need more than just my own strength for this break.